Sunday, March 27, 2011

Dear People Who Make Action Movies/TV Shows,

I'm all for female empowerment, but you know what no woman can do? Outrun a man while wearing sexy high heels. Yes, the short skirt/jeggings free us for movement. Booty short and hot pants also cut down on wind resistance, so on some level I can understand why the sexy lady spies wear them everywhere. Were I a sexy spy, I'd probably have a closet full of booty shorts.

Nevertheless, running up or down stairs, around corners, over uneven pavement, or on recently waxed or polished floors while in three inch heels is essentially taking one's life in one's own hands. Then, subsequently taking that life and dangling it over the edge of a cliff. Running on such surfaces while being pursued is equivalent to throwing one's life over aforementioned cliff edge into the gaping maw of that hole monster from Return of the Jedi. There is no chance of survival.

In order to prevent this gross misrepresentation of female spy protocol in my favorite movie genre, please tell the wardrobe department to find the ladies larger purses. This way, once they've taken down the target/blown up the building/have had a surprise run-in with the sexy male enemy spy, the female spy can change into her sensible running shoes, throw her Louboutins in her purse, and get a move on. Otherwise, quit giving your lady spies sexy heels with ankle straps. That's just endangerment. At least let them kick the heels off mid-flight.


A Concerned Fan

P.S. How are all of those secret government agencies always so well funded? Given the current global economic situation, I think we need to see some concern about budget cuts and layoffs.

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